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Jokes - Thread

Discussion in 'The Pavilion' started by Don Quixote, Jan 25, 2017.

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  1. Mohsin
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    Mohsin Sultan of Swing

    Feb 21, 2010
    15,057
    Why doesn’t Mexico enter the Olympics?

    Because all their best runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America.

    [​IMG]
     
  2. Prince Pathan
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    Prince Pathan Fantasy Draft Wins: 1

    Aug 31, 2011
    16,897
     
  3. Don Quixote
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    Don Quixote Whispering Death

    Nov 13, 2015
    8,777
    Anti-Joke
     
  4. MNA
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    MNA Smooth Operator

    Mar 11, 2015
    3,441
    Being a Medic I cannot think of anything but this:

    Hindi Songs & their Medical Meanings:-

    Jiya Jale Jaan Jale, Raat Bhar Dhuan Chale..
    – Fever

    Tadap Tadap Ke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi..
    – Heart Attack

    Suhani Raat Dhal Chuki, Na Jaane Tum Kab Aoge..
    – Constipation

    Bidi Jalayle Jigar Se Piya Jigar Ma Badi Aag Hai..
    – Acidity

    Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai, Yaara Main Kya Karoon..
    – Cataract

    Tuje Yaad Na Meri Aayi Kisi Se Ab Kya Kehna..
    – Alzheimer’s

    Tip-Tip Barsa Pani, Pani Ne Aag Lagayi..
    – Urinary Infection

    Dil Dhadak-Dhadak Ke Keh Raha Hai..
    – Hypertension

    Haay-Re-Haay Neend Nahi Aaye..
    –Insomnia

    Batana Bhi Nahi Aata, Chupana Bhi Nahi Aata..
    – Piles

    And Sabse Mast

    Lagi Aaj Saawan Ki Phir Wo Jhadi Hai..
    – Loose Motion
     
  5. Donal Cozzie
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    Donal Cozzie Tracer Bullet

    Nov 4, 2014
    7,202
    You're an anti-poster. So stupid and annoying your posts actually suck and destroy discussion
     
  6. Mohsin
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    Mohsin Sultan of Swing

    Feb 21, 2010
    15,057
     
  7. Don Quixote
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    Don Quixote Whispering Death

    Nov 13, 2015
    8,777
    As if u r a poster, huh.
     
  8. Donal Cozzie
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    Donal Cozzie Tracer Bullet

    Nov 4, 2014
    7,202
    Testament as to how stupid DQ is all I can think of when reading his post is Umar Akmal's twitter account
     
  9. Don Quixote
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    Don Quixote Whispering Death

    Nov 13, 2015
    8,777
    ^ Prove my stupidity or i ll sue you for my character assassination.
     
  10. SwingNSeam
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    SwingNSeam Boom Boom

    Sep 12, 2010
    24,681
    Adrak coming at dq for no reason. Racist
     
  11. Desi_Joker
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    Desi_Joker Fantasy Draft Wins: 1

    Jun 18, 2012
    7,364
    DQ and Donal panga funnier than a lot of the jokes in this thread.
     
  12. Prince Pathan
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    Prince Pathan Fantasy Draft Wins: 1

    Aug 31, 2011
    16,897
    A MBBS holder no matter what anybody says is not stupid. Especially in Pakistan, especially on merit in KMC. I had to butt in there.

    Trust me if we think it is hard to get medicine in Ireland it is ten folds tougher in Pakistan, you need to possess genuine intelligence most of the time
     
  13. Donal Cozzie
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    Donal Cozzie Tracer Bullet

    Nov 4, 2014
    7,202
    Intelligence isn't just a measure of exams mate. Can be a examination genius but idiotic in real life situations or interactions.

    Hell you don't even know if he's honest about the MBBS. Either way its irrelevant to me.
     
  14. Mohsin
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    Mohsin Sultan of Swing

    Feb 21, 2010
    15,057
    Why would he lie about it? I believe him.

    Stop being racist...everyone knows that you're going after DQ because he's a brown guy :shrug

    The white man is finally showing his true colours.

    lol jk jk
     
  15. Prince Pathan
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    Prince Pathan Fantasy Draft Wins: 1

    Aug 31, 2011
    16,897
    How do you know how he is in real life :p He is a mega troll
     
  16. Mohsin
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    Mohsin Sultan of Swing

    Feb 21, 2010
    15,057
    Now guys...kiss and make up. I'll watch, to ensure...you make up properly *eyes shift side to side*
     
  17. Mohsin
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    Mohsin Sultan of Swing

    Feb 21, 2010
    15,057
    This for me is quote of the year, easily. CS Annual Awards 2018 quote of the year.
     
  18. zkhan427
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    zkhan427 Smooth Operator

    Oct 2, 2012
    4,037
    What did one carton of milk say to the other?

    What's up doodh

    What do you say to make a pizza move?

    Pizza Hutt

    And to round off my corny jokes...

    So a guy walks into a bar....OUCH
     
  19. MNA
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    MNA Smooth Operator

    Mar 11, 2015
    3,441
    Guys + Kisses = A @Mohsin post!

    .........always
     
  20. Mohsin
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    Mohsin Sultan of Swing

    Feb 21, 2010
    15,057
    lol first time, never always
     
  21. Prince Pathan
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    Prince Pathan Fantasy Draft Wins: 1

    Aug 31, 2011
    16,897
    There was a ginger haired lady and a blonde haired man who were very happily married, however the ginger haired lady was disappointed with her sex life.

    When her husband left for a buisness trip a gingerbread man called round the house to clean the windows, she seized her opportunity with both hands. He was an African man and the wife was keen to discover if the rumours were true

    First, she asked the gingerbread man to go upstairs, he said "Only for a chocolate bicky" he said, So she gave him a chocolate biscuit and he went upstairs.

    Next she asked him to go into her bedroom, "Only for a chocolate bicky" he said, So she gave him a chocolate biscuit and he entered her bedroom.

    Please could you take off your cothes and lie on my bed? "Only for a chocolate bicky", She gave him a chocolate biscuit, and recognizing the pattern, kept the chocolate biscuits in the bedroom where she could hand them out easily.

    She asked the gingerbread man to massage her, stimulate her, all to which he replied "Only for a chocolate bicky" and each time she supplied him with the biscuit he responded.

    Just as she was about to ask him to make love o her, she heard her husband enter the house."Quick get in the cupboard" "Only for a chocolate bicky"

    her husband came upstairs to find his wife lying on the bed naked looking panicked and guilty, he said there had been a man up her, she lied, he continued to ask her, she continued to say there had not been a man up here. Right then, he says, I'm going to pluck each one of your hairs until you tell me the truth.

    He plucked and plucked, and there was only one token black one left but it wouldn't come out, so he shouted, come out you black *******!

    "Only for a chocolate bicky"
     
  22. Don Quixote
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    Don Quixote Whispering Death

    Nov 13, 2015
    8,777
    Kas asay besa kela shwe de ha ha :D
     
  23. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    26,113
    What could be worse than a worm in your apple?

    The holocaust




    What did Batsman say to Robin to get him in the car?

    Get in the car!




    What happened to the monkey that fell off the tree?

    It died.
     
  24. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    26,113
    What did the lion say when he ate the clown?




    It tasted funny.
     
  25. Don Quixote
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    Don Quixote Whispering Death

    Nov 13, 2015
    8,777
    Ha ha. Short one :D
     
  26. Red Devil
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    Red Devil Fantasy Draft Wins: 1

    Dec 15, 2013
    8,623
    A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
     
  27. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    26,113
  28. Munna
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    Munna Moderator-e-Aala

    Oct 4, 2014
    28,389
    “You da bomb!”
    “No, you da bomb!”

    In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
     
  29. Munna
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    Munna Moderator-e-Aala

    Oct 4, 2014
    28,389
  30. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    26,113
    hahahaha good one
     
  31. MNA
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    MNA Smooth Operator

    Mar 11, 2015
    3,441
  32. MNA
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    MNA Smooth Operator

    Mar 11, 2015
    3,441
  33. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    26,113
  34. Don Quixote
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    Don Quixote Whispering Death

    Nov 13, 2015
    8,777
  35. amirfanforlife
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    amirfanforlife Smooth Operator

    Apr 19, 2012
    3,811
    Aka affl?? Very funny -_-
     
  36. MNA
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    MNA Smooth Operator

    Mar 11, 2015
    3,441
    Not sure why some posters always reference you whenever a feminist joke is made, I find it quite annoying tbh.
     
  37. Munna
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    Munna Moderator-e-Aala

    Oct 4, 2014
    28,389
    A Chinese moves to USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He bought a home on a small piece of land.

    The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

    Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

    Next day he decides to try again,
    but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese urinate into a glass and then drink it.

    Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

    A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the China-man leading a bull down the drive-way, <pause>, and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

    The American bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the China-man and says,
    'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you.'

    The China man is very taken aback and says,
    'Sorry sir, you no understand.
    These no Chinese customs I doing. These American Customs.'

    'What do you mean? ', says the neighbor, 'Those aren't American customs.'

    You will love this






    'Yes they are. Man at travel agency tell me', replied the China-man,

    'He say, to become true American, I must learn to
    ..... chase chicks,
    ..... get piss drunk,
    and
    .... listen to bull-shit !'
     
  38. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    26,113
    Teacher: Students, what's the difference between Truth and Illusion ?

    Students: Sir, you are teaching us which is the truth. We are learning which is an illusion
     
  39. Don Quixote
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    Don Quixote Whispering Death

    Nov 13, 2015
    8,777
  40. Mohan
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    Mohan Formerly 'Captain Clutch'

    Nov 4, 2014
    4,257
    A Chinese man that just moved to the United States goes to a bank to exchange his yuan for US dollars. He gives the teller 100 yuan and the teller exchanges it for $100. He thanks the teller and leaves.

    A week later, the Chinese man returns to the bank with another 100 yuan to exchange. This time the teller only gives him $90. The man asks why he got less than last week and the teller replies "Oh, market changes and, you know, fluctuations."

    Clearly offended, the man gets red in the face and yells "Oh yeah?! Well FLUCK YOU AMERICANS TOO!"
     

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